Dear 60-78% of the Internet,
I get it. You’re different.
(stream-of-conciousness rant. Sit tight.)
The 90’s ended almost a decade ago. Despite this fact, there seems to be a yearning to keep tight to the breast the idea of the 80’s party. “Decade” parties are generally a time to listen to fun music you don’t remember while dressed like pop culture footnotes from that specific time. While I am a huge fan of these events-parties in general, really-I do think the last…we’ll say 15 or so I’ve been to have absolutely phoned it in. Some would say that I’m reading too into this, and that I should stop banging my shoe on the table.
To them I say, “Bring on the 90’s parties.”
Yes friends, it’s time to celebrate our awkwardness and put the 80’s party out to pasture for a while. The 90’s party as we know it doesn’t reeeeeally exist yet. Where are the teeming masses, clad in grunge clothes, hammer pants, boyband outfits(overalls with one strap undone/frosted tips? I dunno)and brit school girl outfits?
It’s time, friends. In the immortal words of Jagged Edge, “We ain’t getting any younger, we might as well do it.”
The music would be 5 different kinds of amazing. Think about that set?
“This is how we do it” to “Ironic” to “Baby, when the lights go out” to “smells like teen spirit” to the “bro hymn tribute” to “too close” to “no diggity” to “that’s my baby daddy” to “it’s my life” to “sho nuff” to “genie in a bottle” to “tearin up my heart” to “money, cash, hoes” to “big pimpin” to “rosa parks” to “big poppa” to “mo money mo problems” to “plowed” to “baby got back” to “pepper” to “enter sandman” to “longview” to “buddy holly” to “1979” to “i’m only happy when it when it rains” to “one headlight” to ” steal my sunshine” to “vogue” to “gangster paradise” to “dammit” to “inside out” to “the next episode” to “hard knock life” to “notorious thugs” to “my love is the shhhh” to “shorty swing my way” to “flagpole sitta” to “save tonight” to “popular” to “nookie” to “rooster” to “jeremy” to “southtown” to “black hole sun” to “where it’s at” to “all over you” to “hold my hand” to “hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me” to “breakfast at tiffany’s” to “space lord” to “low” to “mmmbop” to “you get what you give” to “sex and candy” to “bawitdaba” to “my love(you’re never gonna get it)” to “rockerfeller skank” to “ball and chain” to anything Busta Rhymes put out to “sock it to me” to….well, you smell what I’m cooking.
All I’m say is, enough is enough, and it’s time for a change. Word to Owen Hart.
Dear girl I know,
I’m crazy about you. Stupid crazy. Have been for years.
I’m fairly confident that if we lived in the same city, I’d wake up to you sleeping with your mouth wide open every day.
There’s a small chance that it’ll happen in the future, but I’d like you to know that I’d be down if you would. We’re both single and motivated. The world wouldn’t stand a chance. (That was me being naive.)
That’s it for now. Have a great Friday.
Aren’t crushes fun?
